Life is difficult Part 2
Bhaiya ek sim card dena (Bro please give me a sim card). Which company SIM card he retorted. I told him any sim card will suffice. He looked at me as if I have committed a crime by telling him this. He said take Jio sim, I said sure. He told me to do e verification. I was about to do that but thought again struck me. What am I doing? This is wrong even by my standards. I am tormented from inside and this pain was beyond rectifiable, I am alone and scared but that does not mean, I should lower my standard further. This is the nadir of my life, but should I stoop at new nadir, I should not do that. I walked out of that place. shopkeeper mumbled something at me. I strolled on the pavement sat down on the stairs of the foot over bridge. I started observing peoples, I felt like everyone was running against time and trying to reach their destination, some seem frustrated, some peoples were ginning after reading their mobile message, I observed people for some time. No one seems happy to me, but still, everyone was trying to reach their destination. Mind-boggling thoughts were forcing me to think that problems are in everyone's life but reading through the various people's minds I began to feel little trepidation at the possibility of me not surviving another day. Suddenly, a tap on the shoulder woke me up from my thoughts, a small girl asking ten rupees for food, she must be a seven-eight-year-old. I was not sure how to react. I asked her did she go to school? She laughed contemptuously, in one breadth she said we are poor, she did not say anything else, she did not persist for ten rupees, she just moved on. "We are poor" haunted me, I am also not rich, I have infinite issues but the food is not one of them. I sat there for some time thought again everything, I motivated myself and moved back to my flat without buying a sim card.
One whole week I motivated myself every day, whenever I used to feel depressed I read the motivating book. I was determined not to slumber in depression, but alas life does not work like this, exactly after one week I was in depression. I felt pain as if someone had cut me hundred times. The agony of my pain was breaking my each and every of by bone, motivation videos stopped helping me. I wanted to talk to someone I dialed my friends followed by my uncle, everyone had one common answer you are the only one who can win this. I was wondering how can I help myself when I am not able to think straight. I needed a wingman, who can help me but apparently, it is me who can help myself. Days were getting tougher, the nights were toughest, sleep aloof me, anxiety was heightened, nothing was working for me. Finally, I decided I will quit.
To be continued...